


Bad Days

by orphan_account



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Brief Cuddling, Cecil Is a Good Boyfriend, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, morning fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 23:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10524462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Somedays it's good. Carlos likes those days.Somedays it's not so good.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 5 am and I want to fall off a roof
> 
> Edit: It's once again 5 am. And I still want to fall off a roof.

There are days when everything’s fine. Carlos will wake up first, six or seven am, possibly five if there’s something he needs to work on. Go to work, come back late enough for Cecil to have begun worrying if he hasn’t called. Everything is fine. He’s fine. Cecil is fine. Nothing (usually) goes wrong during those days.

Carlos likes those days. Those days are easy.

Then there are bad days.

Scientifically, the odds of having continuous good days for say even a month are almost one in a million. It would be easier to find the secret to life than unceasing have good days. Carlos knows that. He wouldn’t call himself a scientist if he didn’t know that. But, that doesn’t stop him from hating bad days. 

Carlos immediately knew it was going to be a bad day the minute his alarm wakes him up. It felt his heart had stopped. Within seconds the lingering fear that he'd spend so long keeping at bay had flooded back into his mind. He didn’t get up immediately, merely laying on bed, staring at the wall. Then Cecil shifted on the other side of him. 

“Carlos?” A quiet, half asleep voice asked. Carlos felt Cecil press up against his back, nuzzling between his shoulder blades. “Baby, ‘s late for you to be here.” He mumbled, wrapping an arm around him.

Carlos moved his hand on top of Cecil’s, lacing their fingers together across his stomach. “I know.” He whispered back, “Just… kinda tired today.” He murmured. He didn’t need to bother Cecil. It would only annoy him. Carlos winced a little at the thought. “I’ll be out soon, just need to get the energy, heh…”

Cecil made a quiet humming noise, burying his nose further into his back. Carlos relaxed a little, his nerves beginning to settle once he's tucked back to Cecil's chest. He began to doze off again until Cecil spoke back up again, sounding closer to falling back asleep. “We should get up again.”

Carlos nodded a little, forcing himself back to a state of semi-awareness. Cecil moved away from him, trying to ignore the pang in his chest as he did so. He looked up at Cecil once he felt Cecil moving him onto his back, kissing the corner of his mouth. “Get up.” He kissed his cheek. “Get dressed.” Cecil kissed his neck, letting Carlos tilt his head up a bit. “Get some coffee.” Cecil kissed his shoulder, looking up at him. “And after work, we can have a nice night in.” He kissed him. “How does that sound?”

Carlos smiled a little bit at Cecil, moving his hands up to cup his cheeks. “Sounds perfect, thank you…” He mumbled. Cecil smiled back at him, leaning into his hands before pushing up on his chest and climbing off the bed. Carlos turned back onto his side, face falling as he watched Cecil pad out of the bedroom.

\- - -

It’s Nils who brings his hands to his attention. Carlos had noticed it earlier that morning while trying to button up one of his shirt before giving up and pulling on one of Cecil’s sweaters. His hands were shaking, enough to make it hard to work. Carlos tried not to pay that much attention to it. But he knew the couldn’t the minute he felt eyes on him.

They’re staring at him. They’re judging him. They know something’s wrong with Carlos and they’re going to judge him until he does something about it. They’re disgusted. They’re… They’re… they’re… accusations play over and over in his mind until gradually, the damning statements become a simple afterthought while the word “they’re” began playing over in his mind again and again.

Finally, Dave breaks him out of it. “Carlos? Are you okay? You’re shaking pretty bad, man.”

Carlos looked over at them, short of breath as he nodded. “Yes. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” He dismissed, setting his project down and standing up. Everyone’s eyes were on him. He kept his head down, trying not to focus on them. “I’m taking lunch.” He announced, shakier than he’d like to be.

No one said anything. It was agonizingly quiet as Carlos walked out. They’re judging him. And now he’s lost all their respect. And this is all going to get back to Cecil. And… and… and… The word continues in his mind, repeating like a broken record.

Carlos can’t breathe, it feels like cotton or something is preventing him from breathing. His mouth is dry, and he’s struggling to get out the gasps of air that escaped him. He couldn’t see, tears and black spots making it hard to see. His heart pounding in his ears as his mind plays what if-s, and “and” in his mind, over and over again. He stumbled into a wall and finally realized he couldn’t support himself.

Logically, of course, Carlos knew this was a panic attack. But, that didn’t stop him from settling on the idea that he was dying.

He stopped outside of a building, stopping to rest his shoulder on the wall. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket. Carlos’ hands were trembling too much to even think about typing a message to Cecil.

For what was definitely too long, Carlos stared at the phone icon. He was bothering Cecil. Cecil would only get upset at him. Cecil didn’t need to know about this. Cecil didn’t care about this. It was only when the wave of nausea passed through him did Carlos finally decide he needed Cecil. 

It rang for too long. Long enough to make Carlos’ anxiety grow. He was annoying him. This was unnecessary.

Then Cecil finally answered. “Carlos, I’m so glad you called. I need to-”

“Cecil.” Carlos sobbed within moments, not missing the way Cecil’s breathing quieted once he heard him. “Cecil, I need you, please…”

There was a rustling noise. Then, Cecil calling to his intern of the week that he was taking lunch before he returned to the line. “I’ll be there in ten minutes, my love, can you try to make it to the apartment?”

Carlos made a quiet ‘mhm’ noise, rubbing at his eyes. “‘M sorry-”

“No, no, no, you have nothing to apologize for, perfect Carlos.” Cecil confirmed, voice gentler than Carlos deserved. “You’re fine. You’ve done nothing wrong.” Carlos sniffled and pushed himself off the wall. Cecil continued his quiet reassurances, continuing his way home.

“Are you at the apartment?” Cecil asked once Carlos started pulling out his keys. 

“Yes.” Carlos mumbled, “Thank you. I’m sorry about this.” He mumbled. 

“Alright.” Cecil said. “Go inside and get yourself cleaned up. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Okay. love you.”

Cecil hung up after that. Carlos was hesitant to put the phone away. And immediately the pang that Cecil didn’t say it back. He didn’t. Why would Cecil feel the need to say it back? Carlos didn’t deserve it. He wasn’t worth it. Had Cecil had finally realized that Carlos wasn't as perfect as he thought?

Carlos stumbled into the bathroom, staring at himself for a moment in the mirror. God, he’s a mess. Had everyone seen him like this everyday? Pathetic and a self-loathing loser? He looked terrible. He was terrible. He didn’t deserve this. Cecil didn’t deserve this. 

Cecil’s voice cut through the thick air that Carlos had created, broke through his hazy thoughts. Carlos looked up once the footsteps stopped at the bathroom door.

“Oh, Carlos…” Cecil breathed, watching as Carlos sniffled and rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. Cecil walked over to him, grabbing his hand and lacing their fingers together. “Is this okay? Can touch you?”

Carlos nodded. “Please…” He whimpered. Cecil stepped forward to wrap his arm around Carlos' shoulders. As they walked out of the bathroom, Carlos spoke up again, “I’m sorry…”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay…” Cecil whispered, helping sliding his lab coat off of him. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. You’ve done nothing wrong.” He whispered, “Stay here. I’m getting you some stuff.”

Carlos nodded, moving to lay down on the bed. Cecil returned later, handing him a bottle of water and some crackers. “You’re shaky, you might need to eat something.” Cecil explained, sitting down on the bed, wrapping an arm around Carlos. “Is this okay, or do you need space?” He asked.

Carlos shook his head, curling into Cecil’s side and grabbing onto a fistful of his sweater. “Stay.” He said. “Please?”

“Of course, I will.” Cecil said, smiling a little at him, running a hand through his hair. 

Cecil made the bad days tolerable.


End file.
